Sunday, May 3, 2009
draft 2
In today’s technological revolution, it is easy to find our selves sitting in front of a screen of some sort. Whether we are spending hours, sitting on the computer, trying desperately to e-mail our grandchildren or we are sitting in front of the television watching reruns of “ I Love Lucy” on TV Land. Television has changed greatly over the last sixty years, there are now hundreds and hundreds of channels for us to choose from, compared to the two options we used to have, as a matter of fact, many people don’t even receive the common channels, like NBC, CBS and ABC. There are channels that are entirely dedicated to infomercials. I love them and let me tell you, I just cannot seem to get enough of that adorable Billy Mays. Isn’t he just the most darling thing you have ever seen in your entire life? My gosh I could just swallow him up with his cute little beard, he is just to die for if you ask me. Let me share with you a quick anecdote about that Billy Mays while we are on the subject of him and his infomercials. It happened just the other day and you wouldn’t believe it, I happened to be flipping through the channels on my television set when, you will never guess who I happened to hear. It was Billy’s fantastic voice hollering about how regular he has been after beginning to drink Metamucil’s Prune Power. Now I thought to myself, “Now that is something I am in favor of, everyone needs regularity in their life.” It turns out that Metamucil is coming out with a brand new flavor and formula. Its prune flavor and it has real prune juice right in it. It just seemed like the most fantastic thing ever created since Preparation H. So believe you me I went out and bought myself and entire palate of the stuff. Unfortunately I had to order it off the internet so it took me about 3 and ½ hours to figure it all out, I think I might also have a lifetimes supply of smoothie mix on its way to my house, I mean gosh I still cant figure out how to use these damned credit cards in the store let alone on the internet. But anyway the point I’m trying to make is that that palate of Metamucil arrived on my doorstep this morning and I couldn’t be happier. I had my first glass of the concoction once I was able to get the crates open, with the help of the Johnson boy from down the street. It was soo unbelievably delicious; there is nothing like prune juice in the morning, not to mention Metamucil. Let me tell you what, after all this fiber I could not feel a bit more regular. Let me take a moment to encourage you to order yourself some Prune Power Metamucil today, it’s a decision you will not regret. If you order yourself a can of Prune Power for the low low price of $30.95 today you will get an additional can for free. That’s right, buy one get one free. Trust me you will feel better than ever.
Monday, April 27, 2009
WA
In today’s technological revolution, it is easy to find our selves sitting in front of a screen of some sort. Weather we are spending hours, sitting on the computer, trying desperately to e-mail our grandchildren or we are sitting in front of the television watching reruns of “ I Love Lucy” on TV Land. Television has changed greatly over the last sixty years, there are now hundred and hundreds of channels for us to choose from, compared to the two options we used to have, as a matter of fact, many people don’t even receive the common channels, like NBC, CBS and ABC. There are entire stations that are entirely dedicated to infomercials, let me tell you what, I just cannot seem to get enough of that adorable Billy Mays. Isn’t he just the most darling thing you have ever seen in your entire life, gosh I could just swallow him up with his cute little beard, he is just to die for if you ask me. Let me share with you a quick anecdote about that Billy Mays while we are on the subject of him and his infomercials. It happened just the other day and you just wouldn’t believe it, I happened to be flipping through the channels on my television set when You will never guess who I happened to hear. It was Billy’s fantastic voice hollering about how regular he has been after beginning to drink Metamucil’s Prune Power. And I thought to myself, “Now that is something I am in favor of, everyone needs regularity in their life.” It turns out that Metamucil is coming out with a brand new flavor and formula. Its prune flavor and it has real prune juice right in it. It just seemed like the most fantastic thing ever created since Preparation H. So believe you me I went out and bought myself and entire palate of the stuff. Unfortunately I had to order it off the internet so it took me about 3 and ½ hours to figure it all out, I think I might also have a lifetimes supply of smoothie mix on its way to my house, I mean gosh I still cant figure out how to use these damned credit cards in the store let alone on the internet. But anyway the point I’m trying to make is that that palate of Metamucil arrived on my doorstep this morning and I couldn’t be happier. I had my first glass of the concoction once I was able to get the crates open, with the help of the Johnson boy from down the street. It was soo unbelievably delicious; there is nothing like prune juice in the morning, not to mention Metamucil. Let me tell you what, after all this fiber I could not feel a bit more regular. Let me take a moment to encourage you to order yourself some Prune Power Metamucil today, it’s a decision you will not regret. If you order yourself a can of Prune Power for the low low price of $30.95 today you will get an additional can for free. That’s right, buy one get one free. Trust me you will feel better than ever.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
My name is Leroy Stevens, you probably can’t see me. I’m here, always
here, but you can’t see me. I don’t exactly have a home, this corner
is just about as close as it gets. I have lost everything I have ever
loved besides the bottle. My wife and two children died here at this intersection two years ago. They were just walking across the street when a man talking on his cell-phone hit them with his white mini-van, they died instantly. I sleep on the corner here often, just to be as close to them as I can. The pain is often so great that I can’t breathe.
I used to pride myself on my frugalness and on my ability to live
without most of the material goods that most people feel are necessary to everyday life. I never bought myself expensive toys like watches or cars but being able to hold everything I own in a shopping cart has been a new low for me. Life as a van marketer was great, I enjoyed it greatly. But it really hurts to think that a car that I may have sold killed everything that I loved in the world.
I just lay here with the cold cement against my face, watching people, admiring their joy and understanding their pain. As people pass, I think about what is going on in their lives, what they have to worry about. I try to picture their role in the world, are they doctors, lawyers, students or are they just wanderers like myself. I wonder how they spend their time, what their hobby’s and interests are. Do they love spending time with friends, or playing video games or going bar hopping? Imagining what makes them happy somehow makes me feel happier.
Two kids walk past me, siblings I think, they bring me back to my son and my daughter, these kids are about the same age as Ray and Andrea would be now. They are intent on their conversation and not paying much attention to anything else, they clearly don’t notice me, they aren’t even looking as they cross the street. My stomach tightens as a white van speeds through the intersection in front of them and a chill washes over me as I am reminded of my children’s death. As they pass my heart aches for my family and I wonder just how much longer I am going to be able to hold on.
here, but you can’t see me. I don’t exactly have a home, this corner
is just about as close as it gets. I have lost everything I have ever
loved besides the bottle. My wife and two children died here at this intersection two years ago. They were just walking across the street when a man talking on his cell-phone hit them with his white mini-van, they died instantly. I sleep on the corner here often, just to be as close to them as I can. The pain is often so great that I can’t breathe.
I used to pride myself on my frugalness and on my ability to live
without most of the material goods that most people feel are necessary to everyday life. I never bought myself expensive toys like watches or cars but being able to hold everything I own in a shopping cart has been a new low for me. Life as a van marketer was great, I enjoyed it greatly. But it really hurts to think that a car that I may have sold killed everything that I loved in the world.
I just lay here with the cold cement against my face, watching people, admiring their joy and understanding their pain. As people pass, I think about what is going on in their lives, what they have to worry about. I try to picture their role in the world, are they doctors, lawyers, students or are they just wanderers like myself. I wonder how they spend their time, what their hobby’s and interests are. Do they love spending time with friends, or playing video games or going bar hopping? Imagining what makes them happy somehow makes me feel happier.
Two kids walk past me, siblings I think, they bring me back to my son and my daughter, these kids are about the same age as Ray and Andrea would be now. They are intent on their conversation and not paying much attention to anything else, they clearly don’t notice me, they aren’t even looking as they cross the street. My stomach tightens as a white van speeds through the intersection in front of them and a chill washes over me as I am reminded of my children’s death. As they pass my heart aches for my family and I wonder just how much longer I am going to be able to hold on.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
WA-Final Draft
Part 1
Mother’s hand squeezes mine as we walk down the aisle, finding our seats. I’m bored and the wedding hasn’t even started.
“How long will this take?” I whine.
“Sit still son” growls my father.
“I’m SOOOO bored. When is this gonna start?”
“Soon” My mother assures me as she tousles my hair loving.
I think of all the great things I could be doing in this moment, all much more fun than this. I could be playing with trains or Legos or dinosaurs or with my puppy, Darth Vader. I am a beast of the open plains, I’m not meant to be confined like this. I just want to go play!
After hours of waiting, some guy starts playing the organ and people start walking down the aisle.
“Here we go” I think to myself. “We are finally going to get some action.”
So all these people file in and stand at the front of the church and every one seems happy. Then this guy named The Priest starts talking, all those happy people clearly had no idea what lay in store for them, because he was boring. Then Mr. Priest tells my cousin Petey, that he can now kiss the bride. I want to scream, “No Petey! Don’t do it!” It was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my entire life. It shocked and horrified me. Before, I thought that Petey was the coolest guy ever, when I saw him kiss a girl I realized that he was just a pansy. A dreadful day got worse.
After this, everyone gets up and, for some reason starts cheering. There were some twisted people at this wedding. Then everyone left the church and we all go to this big tent where they had tables set up, I got a seat right next to my mom. Then these guys start serving food. It’s something called lobster and it smells awful. Luckily they had some french frys.
It was the worst day of my life, the best part was the cake we got to eat, which was chocolaty and how I got to run around with some kids after.
Part 2
I can’t count the number of times I have vomited today. I take Pete’s hand in mine, he is just as nervous as I am. The guests have all filed in and are in their seats. Nothing has gone wrong yet. Pete hugs me, its time for every one to go get in position.
Daddy and I walk to the back of the church together. Daddy smiles at me and I know he knows how I’m feeling and he is telling me that everything will be ok, I sure hope so. I hear the organ start to play, its time. It feels like my lungs are made out of lead. I can’t go through with this. I force one foot in front of the other. I look over and I can see Pete’s young cousin and I realize why I'm doing all of this, for children.
We finally finish the never ending journey down the aisle and Pete takes my hands in his as Father O’ Franklin begins talking. I don’t hear much between “Dearly beloved” and “You may now kiss the bride” but I think I remember saying an “I do” in there somewhere. I hear everyone cheering as Pete and I run from the church.
Pete and I climb into the car waiting to take us to the farm where the tent in which the reception is taking place. We try and relax during the twenty-minute drive but we know that if we get through the speeches without something terrible happening it will be a miracle.
We get to the farm and its beautiful. Everyone sits down and is served without any serious incidents. Then the food is served and its delicious, the best lobster I have ever had. Miraculously we got through the entire night with out any problems more serious than the children eating too much of the chocolate cake and getting a bit wild. It was the best day of my life.
Mother’s hand squeezes mine as we walk down the aisle, finding our seats. I’m bored and the wedding hasn’t even started.
“How long will this take?” I whine.
“Sit still son” growls my father.
“I’m SOOOO bored. When is this gonna start?”
“Soon” My mother assures me as she tousles my hair loving.
I think of all the great things I could be doing in this moment, all much more fun than this. I could be playing with trains or Legos or dinosaurs or with my puppy, Darth Vader. I am a beast of the open plains, I’m not meant to be confined like this. I just want to go play!
After hours of waiting, some guy starts playing the organ and people start walking down the aisle.
“Here we go” I think to myself. “We are finally going to get some action.”
So all these people file in and stand at the front of the church and every one seems happy. Then this guy named The Priest starts talking, all those happy people clearly had no idea what lay in store for them, because he was boring. Then Mr. Priest tells my cousin Petey, that he can now kiss the bride. I want to scream, “No Petey! Don’t do it!” It was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my entire life. It shocked and horrified me. Before, I thought that Petey was the coolest guy ever, when I saw him kiss a girl I realized that he was just a pansy. A dreadful day got worse.
After this, everyone gets up and, for some reason starts cheering. There were some twisted people at this wedding. Then everyone left the church and we all go to this big tent where they had tables set up, I got a seat right next to my mom. Then these guys start serving food. It’s something called lobster and it smells awful. Luckily they had some french frys.
It was the worst day of my life, the best part was the cake we got to eat, which was chocolaty and how I got to run around with some kids after.
Part 2
I can’t count the number of times I have vomited today. I take Pete’s hand in mine, he is just as nervous as I am. The guests have all filed in and are in their seats. Nothing has gone wrong yet. Pete hugs me, its time for every one to go get in position.
Daddy and I walk to the back of the church together. Daddy smiles at me and I know he knows how I’m feeling and he is telling me that everything will be ok, I sure hope so. I hear the organ start to play, its time. It feels like my lungs are made out of lead. I can’t go through with this. I force one foot in front of the other. I look over and I can see Pete’s young cousin and I realize why I'm doing all of this, for children.
We finally finish the never ending journey down the aisle and Pete takes my hands in his as Father O’ Franklin begins talking. I don’t hear much between “Dearly beloved” and “You may now kiss the bride” but I think I remember saying an “I do” in there somewhere. I hear everyone cheering as Pete and I run from the church.
Pete and I climb into the car waiting to take us to the farm where the tent in which the reception is taking place. We try and relax during the twenty-minute drive but we know that if we get through the speeches without something terrible happening it will be a miracle.
We get to the farm and its beautiful. Everyone sits down and is served without any serious incidents. Then the food is served and its delicious, the best lobster I have ever had. Miraculously we got through the entire night with out any problems more serious than the children eating too much of the chocolate cake and getting a bit wild. It was the best day of my life.
WA
Part 1
Mother’s hand squeezes mine as we walk down the aisle, finding our seats. I’m bored and the wedding hasn’t even started.
“How long will this take?” I whine.
“Sit still son” growls my father.
“I’m SOOOO bored. When is this gonna start?”
“Soon” My mother assures me as she tousles my hair loving.
I think of all the great things I could be doing in this moment, all much more fun than this. I could be playing with trains or Legos or dinosaurs or with my puppy, Darth Vader. I am a beast of the open plains, I’m not meant to be confined like this. I just want to go play!
After hours of waiting, some guy starts playing the organ and people start walking down the aisle.
“Here we go” I think to myself. “We are finally going to get some action.”
So all these people file in and stand at the front of the church and every one seems happy. Then this guy named The Priest starts talking, all those happy people clearly had no idea what lay in store for them, because he was boring. Then Mr. Priest tells my cousin Petey, that he can now kiss the bride. I want to scream, “No Petey! Don’t do it!” It was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my entire life. It shocked and horrified me. Before, I thought that Petey was the coolest guy ever, when I saw him kiss a girl I realized that he was just a pansy. A dreadful day got worse.
After this, everyone gets up and, for some reason starts cheering. There were some twisted people at this wedding. Then everyone left the church and we all go to this big tent where they had tables set up, I got a seat right next to my mom. Then these guys start serving food. It’s something called lobster and it smells awful. Luckily they had some french frys.
It was the worst day of my life, the best part was the cake we got to eat, which was chocolaty and how I got to run around with some kids after.
Part 2
I can’t count the number of times I have vomited today. I take Pete’s hand in mine, he is just as nervous as I am. The guests have all filed in and are in their seats. Nothing has gone wrong yet. Pete hugs me, its time for every one to go get in position.
Daddy and I walk to the back of the church together. Daddy smiles at me and I know he knows how I’m feeling and he is telling me that everything will be ok, I sure hope so. I hear the organ start to play, its time. It feels like my lungs are made out of lead. I can’t go through with this. I force one foot in front of the other. I look over and I can see Pete’s young cousin and I realize why I'm doing all of this, for children.
We finally finish the never ending journey down the aisle and Pete takes my hands in his as Father O’ Franklin begins talking. I don’t hear much between “Dearly beloved” and “You may now kiss the bride” but I think I remember saying an “I do” in there somewhere. I hear everyone cheering as Pete and I run from the church.
Pete and I climb into the car waiting to take us to the farm where the tent in which the reception is taking place. We try and relax during the twenty-minute drive but we know that if we get through the speeches without something terrible happening it will be a miracle.
We get to the farm and its beautiful. Everyone sits down and is served without any serious incidents. Then the food is served and its delicious, the best lobster I have ever had. Miraculously we got through the entire night with out any problems more serious than the children eating too much of the chocolate cake and getting a bit wild. It was the best day of my life.
Mother’s hand squeezes mine as we walk down the aisle, finding our seats. I’m bored and the wedding hasn’t even started.
“How long will this take?” I whine.
“Sit still son” growls my father.
“I’m SOOOO bored. When is this gonna start?”
“Soon” My mother assures me as she tousles my hair loving.
I think of all the great things I could be doing in this moment, all much more fun than this. I could be playing with trains or Legos or dinosaurs or with my puppy, Darth Vader. I am a beast of the open plains, I’m not meant to be confined like this. I just want to go play!
After hours of waiting, some guy starts playing the organ and people start walking down the aisle.
“Here we go” I think to myself. “We are finally going to get some action.”
So all these people file in and stand at the front of the church and every one seems happy. Then this guy named The Priest starts talking, all those happy people clearly had no idea what lay in store for them, because he was boring. Then Mr. Priest tells my cousin Petey, that he can now kiss the bride. I want to scream, “No Petey! Don’t do it!” It was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my entire life. It shocked and horrified me. Before, I thought that Petey was the coolest guy ever, when I saw him kiss a girl I realized that he was just a pansy. A dreadful day got worse.
After this, everyone gets up and, for some reason starts cheering. There were some twisted people at this wedding. Then everyone left the church and we all go to this big tent where they had tables set up, I got a seat right next to my mom. Then these guys start serving food. It’s something called lobster and it smells awful. Luckily they had some french frys.
It was the worst day of my life, the best part was the cake we got to eat, which was chocolaty and how I got to run around with some kids after.
Part 2
I can’t count the number of times I have vomited today. I take Pete’s hand in mine, he is just as nervous as I am. The guests have all filed in and are in their seats. Nothing has gone wrong yet. Pete hugs me, its time for every one to go get in position.
Daddy and I walk to the back of the church together. Daddy smiles at me and I know he knows how I’m feeling and he is telling me that everything will be ok, I sure hope so. I hear the organ start to play, its time. It feels like my lungs are made out of lead. I can’t go through with this. I force one foot in front of the other. I look over and I can see Pete’s young cousin and I realize why I'm doing all of this, for children.
We finally finish the never ending journey down the aisle and Pete takes my hands in his as Father O’ Franklin begins talking. I don’t hear much between “Dearly beloved” and “You may now kiss the bride” but I think I remember saying an “I do” in there somewhere. I hear everyone cheering as Pete and I run from the church.
Pete and I climb into the car waiting to take us to the farm where the tent in which the reception is taking place. We try and relax during the twenty-minute drive but we know that if we get through the speeches without something terrible happening it will be a miracle.
We get to the farm and its beautiful. Everyone sits down and is served without any serious incidents. Then the food is served and its delicious, the best lobster I have ever had. Miraculously we got through the entire night with out any problems more serious than the children eating too much of the chocolate cake and getting a bit wild. It was the best day of my life.
Monday, February 23, 2009
WA5 D2
I can’t seem to settle my stomach. I can’t count the number of times I have vomited today anymore, there is nothing at all left in my stomach. I take Pete’s hand in mine and they are soaked in sweat, he is just as nervous as I am. The guests have all filed in and are in their seats. Nothing has gone wrong yet, hopefully nothing will. Pete hugs me, its time for every one to go get in position.
Daddy and I walk to the back of the church together. Daddy squeezes my hand, I have never been this nervous. Daddy smiles at me and I know he knows how I’m feeling and he is telling me that everything will be ok, I sure hope so. I hear the organ start to play, its time. I don’t think I can breathe. It feels like my lungs are made out of lead. I don’t think I can go through with this. I need to start walking; I force one foot in front of the other. I look over and I can see Pete’s young cousin squirming in his seat, his parents scolding him and I realize why I'm doing all of this, I can’t wait to have children.
We finally finish the never ending journey down the aisle and Pete takes my hands in his as Father O’ Franklin begins talking. I don’t hear much between “Dearly beloved” and “You may now kiss the bride” but I think I remember saying an “I do” in there somewhere. I hear everyone cheering as Pete and I run from the church and I think that I saw my mother sobbing. I shake my head as I run at that woman and her ridiculous tears, its not like I’m the first one to get married, all eleven of my sisters already have.
Pete and I climb into the car waiting to take us to the farm where the tent in which the reception is taking place. We try and relax during the twenty-minute drive but we know that if we get through the speeches without something terrible happening it will be a miracle. We just try and enjoy these few moments of peace before all hell brakes loose.
We get to the farm and its beautiful. Everything is perfect; everyone sits down and is served without any serious incidents. Then the food is served, and I realize that we made a fantastic choice with the caterer. The food is delicious, it is the best lobster I have ever had. Miraculously we got through the entire night with out any problems more serious than the children eating too much of the wonderful chocolate cake and getting a bit wild. It was the best day of my life.
Daddy and I walk to the back of the church together. Daddy squeezes my hand, I have never been this nervous. Daddy smiles at me and I know he knows how I’m feeling and he is telling me that everything will be ok, I sure hope so. I hear the organ start to play, its time. I don’t think I can breathe. It feels like my lungs are made out of lead. I don’t think I can go through with this. I need to start walking; I force one foot in front of the other. I look over and I can see Pete’s young cousin squirming in his seat, his parents scolding him and I realize why I'm doing all of this, I can’t wait to have children.
We finally finish the never ending journey down the aisle and Pete takes my hands in his as Father O’ Franklin begins talking. I don’t hear much between “Dearly beloved” and “You may now kiss the bride” but I think I remember saying an “I do” in there somewhere. I hear everyone cheering as Pete and I run from the church and I think that I saw my mother sobbing. I shake my head as I run at that woman and her ridiculous tears, its not like I’m the first one to get married, all eleven of my sisters already have.
Pete and I climb into the car waiting to take us to the farm where the tent in which the reception is taking place. We try and relax during the twenty-minute drive but we know that if we get through the speeches without something terrible happening it will be a miracle. We just try and enjoy these few moments of peace before all hell brakes loose.
We get to the farm and its beautiful. Everything is perfect; everyone sits down and is served without any serious incidents. Then the food is served, and I realize that we made a fantastic choice with the caterer. The food is delicious, it is the best lobster I have ever had. Miraculously we got through the entire night with out any problems more serious than the children eating too much of the wonderful chocolate cake and getting a bit wild. It was the best day of my life.
Monday, February 16, 2009
WA-5?
Mother’s hand squeezes mine as we walk down the aisle, finding our seats. I climb up onto the pew squeezed between Mother and Father. I’m bored and the wedding hasn’t even started.
“How long will this take?” I whine as I wiggle impatiently.
“Sit still son” my fathers growls my fathers deep baritone.
I lean back and slide my butt forward in the pew and sigh deeply.
“I’m SOOOO bored. When is this dang thing gonna start anyways?”
“Soon” My mother assured me as she tousles my hair reassuringly.
I study the ornate molding between the walls and the ceiling of the church, this has to be the most bored I have ever been in my short life. I think of all the great things I could be doing in this moment, all much more fun than this. I could be playing with trains or Legos or dinosaurs or with my puppy, Darth Vader. I am a beast of the open plains, I’m not meant to be confined like this, I need to get out of here, I just want to play!
After hours of waiting, some guy starts playing the organ and people start walking down the aisle.
“Here we go” I think to myself. “We are finally going to get some action.”
So all these people file in and stand at the front of the church and every one is happy and smiling. Then this fat old guy named The Priest starts talking, and lemme tell you, he was bor-ring. All those happy and smiling people clearly had no idea what lay in store for them. This was turning out to be the most boring day ever. Then Mr. Priest tells my cousin Petey, he is the guy getting married that he can now kiss the bride. He actually does it. I want to jump up and scream, “No Petey! Don’t do it!” It was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my entire life. It shocked and horrified me. Before this I thought that Petey was pretty much the coolest guy ever, when I saw him kiss a girl I realized that he was just a big old pansy. I wanted to cry. A dreadful day got immeasurably worse.
After this moment of vileness every one gets up and, for some reason unbeknownst to me, starts cheering. There were some seriously twisted people at this wedding. Then everyone left the church and we all go to this big tent where they had all these tables set up with a little name-tag at every seat for all the different people, there is one set just for me and it was right next to my mom. Then these guys start serving food, if you can call it that. It’s some thing called lobster and it is the most disgusting smelling thing ever. Luckily they had some french frys just for me.
It was the worst day of my life, the only good part was the cake we all got to eat, which was super chocolaty and how I got to run around with some kids after we ate the cake. I guess the day wasn’t a total bust after all.
“How long will this take?” I whine as I wiggle impatiently.
“Sit still son” my fathers growls my fathers deep baritone.
I lean back and slide my butt forward in the pew and sigh deeply.
“I’m SOOOO bored. When is this dang thing gonna start anyways?”
“Soon” My mother assured me as she tousles my hair reassuringly.
I study the ornate molding between the walls and the ceiling of the church, this has to be the most bored I have ever been in my short life. I think of all the great things I could be doing in this moment, all much more fun than this. I could be playing with trains or Legos or dinosaurs or with my puppy, Darth Vader. I am a beast of the open plains, I’m not meant to be confined like this, I need to get out of here, I just want to play!
After hours of waiting, some guy starts playing the organ and people start walking down the aisle.
“Here we go” I think to myself. “We are finally going to get some action.”
So all these people file in and stand at the front of the church and every one is happy and smiling. Then this fat old guy named The Priest starts talking, and lemme tell you, he was bor-ring. All those happy and smiling people clearly had no idea what lay in store for them. This was turning out to be the most boring day ever. Then Mr. Priest tells my cousin Petey, he is the guy getting married that he can now kiss the bride. He actually does it. I want to jump up and scream, “No Petey! Don’t do it!” It was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my entire life. It shocked and horrified me. Before this I thought that Petey was pretty much the coolest guy ever, when I saw him kiss a girl I realized that he was just a big old pansy. I wanted to cry. A dreadful day got immeasurably worse.
After this moment of vileness every one gets up and, for some reason unbeknownst to me, starts cheering. There were some seriously twisted people at this wedding. Then everyone left the church and we all go to this big tent where they had all these tables set up with a little name-tag at every seat for all the different people, there is one set just for me and it was right next to my mom. Then these guys start serving food, if you can call it that. It’s some thing called lobster and it is the most disgusting smelling thing ever. Luckily they had some french frys just for me.
It was the worst day of my life, the only good part was the cake we all got to eat, which was super chocolaty and how I got to run around with some kids after we ate the cake. I guess the day wasn’t a total bust after all.
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