My name is Leroy Stevens, you probably can’t see me. I’m here, always
here, but you can’t see me. I don’t exactly have a home, this corner
is just about as close as it gets. I have lost everything I have ever
loved besides the bottle. My wife and two children died here at this intersection two years ago. They were just walking across the street when a man talking on his cell-phone hit them with his white mini-van, they died instantly. I sleep on the corner here often, just to be as close to them as I can. The pain is often so great that I can’t breathe.
I used to pride myself on my frugalness and on my ability to live
without most of the material goods that most people feel are necessary to everyday life. I never bought myself expensive toys like watches or cars but being able to hold everything I own in a shopping cart has been a new low for me. Life as a van marketer was great, I enjoyed it greatly. But it really hurts to think that a car that I may have sold killed everything that I loved in the world.
I just lay here with the cold cement against my face, watching people, admiring their joy and understanding their pain. As people pass, I think about what is going on in their lives, what they have to worry about. I try to picture their role in the world, are they doctors, lawyers, students or are they just wanderers like myself. I wonder how they spend their time, what their hobby’s and interests are. Do they love spending time with friends, or playing video games or going bar hopping? Imagining what makes them happy somehow makes me feel happier.
Two kids walk past me, siblings I think, they bring me back to my son and my daughter, these kids are about the same age as Ray and Andrea would be now. They are intent on their conversation and not paying much attention to anything else, they clearly don’t notice me, they aren’t even looking as they cross the street. My stomach tightens as a white van speeds through the intersection in front of them and a chill washes over me as I am reminded of my children’s death. As they pass my heart aches for my family and I wonder just how much longer I am going to be able to hold on.